Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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