it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
