Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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