i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
