He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize