no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
