I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
