i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
