I wish I could teleport
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
