Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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