they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
