Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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