don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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