He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
