before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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