Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
