I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
