You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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