Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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