I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize