If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
