btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
