Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
