Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
