It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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