I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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