we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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