What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
