Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
