suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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