She is in my trunk
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
