Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
