the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
