Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
