I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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