he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize