Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
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