...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Randomize
