Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
lets start a swedish sibling band together
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
