Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
