I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
