Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just pynch a tree in the face
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
