HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
