You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
