they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
