I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
