Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
splinters make it hard to masturbate
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Randomize
