He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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