walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Your cock deserves a montage
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
