the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
