I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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