You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
