Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So many bounce houses so little time
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
40s are totally the cure
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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