Your face is a jimmy john
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize