Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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