the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
