Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
