You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize