you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
