the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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