just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
