so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
