One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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