there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize