What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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