you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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