im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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