I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize