Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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