How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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