Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
