I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he fucked my hip out of place.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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