i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
