I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize