I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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