Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
