We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
