Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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