Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
