this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
