____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
