i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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