I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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