How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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