apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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