how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
