Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
