i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
