I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
