then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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