as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize
