im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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