this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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