the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
