i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Fuck appropriateness.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
