She is in my trunk
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
