Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
