I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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