There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
