This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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