totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
