there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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