She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
