Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
