My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
