At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
