I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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