They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
