Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
