I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
