so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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