I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
