You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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