I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
