Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
