addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
