Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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