Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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